Felicity Deighton: My Story

In this movingly told story Felicity Deighton describes her journey through mental illness to recovery and a 'normal' life.

I had my first breakdown May 2017. It hit me hard. I took my first overdose and I didn’t want to wake up and I felt a sense of anger when I did. I was saved and admitted to a crisis house. My mental Illness continued to stay with me. I had suicidal thoughts and heard voices, and I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness and despair. I had lost my new job and felt myself in a spiral going downwards at rapid speed. I was in and out of the crisis house, a place of safety where the 24/7 support was especially important when the voices attacked me during the night. They were forever saving me when I was ready to close my eyes for the final time. However I could only stay there for a week. I found that self-harm gave me a sense of release and this became my way of coping more often. I was in a place that I now no longer recognise. I remember not wanting to go out anymore as I felt safe in my room away from others. But alone with my thoughts was in fact the most dangerous place to be. I just felt so alone and weighed down by the voices. I was having weekly therapy from the Community Mental Health Team, medication reviews along with diazepam and sleeping tablets, and I was using mental health charity help lines at least 2-3 times a day. I also used the crisis team out of hours. I was in despair and I was struggling against suicidal thoughts and harming.

In October, following another suicide attempt that led to me being resuscitated, I was sectioned. When I look back now this time is a blur. I remember waking up with a giant mask on my face and the next thing I was in an ambulance with its siren wailing and taken to a section unit at the mental health hospital. This was the worst time of my life but also a massive turning point. I was under section for around three weeks during which I received intense therapy and medication. I was also diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress. When I came home it was the moment I realized that I had crumbled and was at the very bottom. The only way, I thought, is UP! I started with more therapy and it took time – a long time – but slowly I started to see a light. The voices became quiet and the suicidal and harming thoughts became less and less. I began to want to put makeup on and go out again. I started to feel happy and the bad days began to disappear.

I’m still on the road to recovery and I’m sure there’s a lot more to overcome but I’m happy. I never thought I would be but I am! I look back and that person wasn’t the real me. My friends and family were amazing and I owe my life to them. This is My Story and I’m proud.

5 Comments

  • Jo Eckersley

    Felicity thank you so much for sharing. Your story is really incredible, and you should definitely be proud. I’m going to add this to our sister website, the Sheffield Mental Health Guide, as I think people will find it really useful. Jo – Sheffield Flourish 🙂

    • Amy

      That is definitely the perfect place to put it Jo! xx

    • Felicity

      Hi Jo
      That would be fab!
      I would love for more awareness and that is a great start! I will have a look at the sister site! That for a lovely comment!

      Flick xxx

  • Amy

    This is so well written Felicity. In some ways this is very similar to me and my story. You have done so well and you have got the help you need at last. I really hope things carry on to get better and better for you. Xx

    • Felicity

      Hi Amy

      Thankyou for such a lovely comment! It was very hard to read, so hear this is lovely! If you would ever like to talk about your story I’m always here!

      Flick xx

Leave a Reply