Amy Rollitt: She
Here the poet describes how difficult it is when the person you know best stops you from doing what you enjoy and makes you doubt yourself. She conquers this former friend and shows us it’s possible to overcome the greatest of challenges.
She used to be my friend
She was never really big on compliments but we got on well enough.
She was always on my side.
She always stuck up for me when I doubted myself
But then things started to change.
She started to get a bit needy
She didn’t want other people around
She started making me act like an idiot and push everyone away
She made me believe I was a grown up, I didn’t need anybody else
She always persuaded me not to go out
She wanted me to spend time with her drinking
She persuaded me it was cheaper and warmer staying in, why would I want to go out?
She made sense
She started getting me into trouble
She was always making me do things wrong
She made me believe it was everybody else that was just being fussy
She always found me a drink when I needed one, because drinking solves everything
She started to hate me
She made me believe everybody else hated me
She was constantly there stirring up trouble
Every time things started going right, she was there, giving me great a big kick back down and laughing
She never told me she hated me, I just knew.
She was always there to remind me how rubbish I was and how rubbish my life was
She was always there to remind me how I did everybody’s head in
She was always there to remind me that everybody’s life would be so much more simple if I wasn’t in it
She was always there to remind me that I was toxic, everything I touched just disintegrated
She was always there to remind me I had nothing left
She wasn’t going to stop
I just wanted her to go away but she wouldn’t
She was always there, reminding me how a drink would make my pathetic life slightly more bearable.
She wanted me to suffer
She wanted me alone
She wanted me dead.
Who is she?
She is my own mind.
Now she has gone
She went away when I went into hospital
Somebody new has taken her place
Somebody who genuinely likes me
Her that was here before
She is well and truly SACKED!!!