Never enough

This story has a trigger warning

Never Enough is a beautiful poem that takes us through Rachel's experience of living with an eating disorder. Trigger warning: eating disorders.

Never enough

You wouldn’t guess from the outside
Certificates and trophies,
More A*s than I could hide
Content to paint a smile
Or look serene with my blue eyes
But beneath a shiny surface
There’s a fight to just survive

Never enough
A smaller portion, longer run
However low the dress size
it’s still feels far from thin
It just takes a glass of water,
Slice of bread, the damage done
I’ll hide until I’m empty
Or simply keep on breathing in

Never enough
My disorder barely hits the mark
Not too thin to be a danger
Binging mostly in the dark
An invisible obsession
that steals the show then leaves no trace
In the seams of every outfit,
Glaring back from mirrored glass

Never enough
Every word and every phrase
Could rewrite a dozen times
To get more punishment than praise
My creative expression
That enables me to feel
Sometimes adds to the obsession
I was only trying to heal

Never enough
But I’ll show up just the same
Because unfinished is adventure
And imperfect isn’t shame
And my own perfectionism
Doesn’t always tell the truth
So if you’re reading then I got this far
And today, that is enough.

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