Michela Seedanee: Nightmare of Waves
This story has a trigger warning
The powerful imagery in this poem communicates some of the darker times the author has experienced while suffering from BPD and co-morbid Depressive Disorder.
I walked along a stoned beach,
mesmerized by the sea view how much it has to teach,
the glistening sunset such beauty I could never reach.
With each step I descend further to the saltwater,
Close to the entrance of abyss I falter,
The air grows colder and I realise my time has not yet come.
Alas the sea is hungry and I feel my toes begin to go numb,
I turn to run, feeling the fast beating of drums.
However my feet appear wrapped in nets and weed,
forcing me to my knees, I can do nothing but succumb.
I face the sea, it rose and wave took form
creating my inevitable outcome.
Over and over the darkness crashed upon me as I screamed out Mum,
I felt empty and defeated, so what if this is my end,
I am nothing but Scum.
I let it take every inch of myself until there was nothing left,
all those days of stress,
all those days of waking up people telling me I should feel blessed.
What is point of living life when every day is another day of protest
in how you can not feel anything and other days it be nothing
but being depressed!
At least now I can finally be at rest.
As I began to sink, a hand plunged into the water reaching for me.
My eyes stared longingly at the hand at this point I must confess,
I longed for its sweet caress.
I used my remaining will and stretched out taking hold,
As my head broke the surface I felt nothing but the cold.
Through blurred eyes I saw the rising sun of a new day,
and although my troubles had not gone away,
I knew in my heart, everything was going to be okay.