Marie: What OCD feels like to me

Marie describes the impact of OCD on her life, and looks ahead to a time when she can manage the symptoms.

What OCD feels like to me image

OCD is different for everyone, but this is my experience.

My OCD is a constant nagging doubt. Have I left the door unlocked? Have I left my handbrake off? Have I sent that file to the wrong person? Repeatedly checking whether I have done any of the things I fear brings me no greater certainty, only a growing sense of frustration until I’m so stressed I no longer trust what my eyes are seeing.

Feelings of guilt and responsibility are in overdrive. I need support from others but don’t recognise that I’m worthy of it, and I feel that I am responsible for keeping others safe.

I can’t retain new information for even a few minutes when I’m feeling particularly bad and I make simple typos I wouldn’t have made previously.

Finding the energy to over-ride or even just complete my compulsions can sometimes be too big a challenge so my world has shrunk and I am often exhausted when I do face them.

Learning to manage my symptoms represents to me freedom and restored self-worth.

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