Jessica Godley: Stuck

This story has a trigger warning

Jessica Godley's poem strikingly captures her experience of mental distress and feelings of hopelessness. Trigger Warning: reference to suicidal feelings

misty forest in half light

How do you explain feeling stuck?
Stuck so deep in a black hole,
face down,
drowning in your mind,
you just can’t get out.

Stuck struggling in the past even though
it has nothing new to say.
But also stuck
worrying about the future.

How do I explain to my mother I’m stuck in bed,
not through laziness but because
I am consumed with sadness?
How do I explain to my little brother I won’t be at his football match
because no matter how many people are there
I’m stuck feeling lonely?

I feel like my brain has given in.
No matter how many poems I write,
how many happy songs I listen too,
I will forever be left wanting to end it all.
Waiting for the pain to stop.

I’ve tried, many times, to escape the torture.
But I’ve been saved.
But saving someone who doesn’t want to be saved
doesn’t get you a thank you.
It gets you awkward conversations and empty glares.
It left me hurting, confused and frustrated
and more desperate than ever.
Left in the now, feeling beaten and bruised.
Feeling stuck.

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