Dear Anybody that cares for me,
I’m writing to you to explain a few things. You see, while I try to be open about my illnesses, there’s still some parts of it that I try to hide – and probably some parts that you still don’t fully understand.
There have been times in the past where I’ve tried to harm myself, or even end my life, but I want you to know that in that moment, I didn’t really want to stop living. I just wanted to feel something. Anything is better than nothing.
Don’t ever feel that you are part of something that I don’t see the point in carrying on with – in fact, it’s the opposite. It’s people like you that mean that I do carry on, I could never knowingly leave anyone feeling the same way as I do.
Although I have thoughts pretty often of how on earth I’m going to put up with going through this cycle for another 60 years, you can be sure that I’ll find a way, somehow.
While I’m here – I’m sorry for all the times I cancel plans last minute and all the times I disappear for days or weeks on end. Please don’t take it personally or think any worse of me for it. It’s just that sometimes, my mind doesn’t let me do everything I’d want to, and even though we’ve lived with each other for my whole life, we’re still trying to come to an agreement about which way is best to deal with those days.